by Christina Vega
Quarantine has meant different things for different people. Some family looked forward to some quality time with loved ones. Others feared losing their job and the uncertainty of how they were going to manage the bills coming in. For me, i started out happy. But with the lockdown and constant rain, it didn't take long for it to manifest into something different. Depression.
I suffer major depressive disorder, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, bipolar depression and my absolute favorite (said no one ever) seasonal affect disorder. It's when the lack of sunshine in the winter months can be painful, leave you uninspired, lack of ambition to get things done, always late and worst of all distancing myself from my Bridge friends because the thought to putting myself together to look like a person on Sundays was just too tedious a task. Finally, I moved from Southside to Nazareth. I knew that spring was near because my mood changed. I suddenly was filled of ambition. A rush. A high. Things were looking up.
Ahhh then came quarantines. At first it didn't bother me. I don't usually go out. No one usually visits. I mean I got this. But I don't. 2 weeks in and I'm falling apart. I never realized how much my routine meant to me. I never realized how just talking to parents as I pick up and drop off Noah was just the amount of socialization I needed. I never knew I'd miss all of you as much as I do. It makes me so sad. So heart broken. Now news of it lasting until the 30th of April. Again things I knew. I knew it would last thing long. I've posted about it. But... it hits different when it's not just something that might be versus something that is. I am battling depression and I'm not ok. I've cried more in the last 3 days than I had in months. I realized it's been a while since I cried. But here I am daily. Fighting demons. Prayer seems so obvious and I do. I talk to him and sing and try with every ounce of me. I know everything is gonna be ok. But depression has a hold on me at the moment.
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